You know that thing at the end of the year when you realize your insurance was run incorrectly and you have to reverse your coverage on your transplant otherwise none of your meds or transplant related care will be covered for the rest of your life, but the hospital billing department is baffled because they don’t understand why anyone would reverse payment on the most expensive surgery they offer after it is paid for, so there are a few dozen more hoops you have to jump through first (as the end of the year looms like a specter of impending cosmic doom and horror beyond the stars) before you find out if you have to pay 20% of infinity dollars from the transplant or if you have to pay 100% of infinity dollars every month for the rest of your life?
I’m not worried though. I have people who do my worrying for me. I choose to believe it will work out because I am still alive and that is no small miracle. I went through full kidney failure and faced approaching death for a long time. I then woke up healthy and truly alive again because others sacrificed to see me resurrected. I’m not going to waste that gift on worrying. I walked through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, so this is just paperwork. Even as I was writing this, my wife called and told me she got an answer that moved us a step closer to solving it.
It’s easy for me to say that it will be okay because I have her to handle the paperwork which my meds make it difficult for me to understand. I have her for everything else too. I have others, many of whom are reading this now, who gave generously of time, money, and support through everything.
Staying alive will not be cheap no matter how this works out. That makes sense though since my life was given to me this year at so high a cost. I’m alive and healthy because others sacrificed blood and body to pay the cost. This is a truth from the faith I hold and it is a physical, medical reality I experienced this year.
I look ahead at the New Year through all of the above, including the struggles behind me and those ahead, and I choose not to worry. I choose to be thankful and at peace because I know these valleys and I know these shadows and I know the way out. I respect the power of death, but I’ve fought it and I’ve won for now, so I choose not to fear it. Every day I step forward is another day it has to step back to make way for me. That is a blessing not afforded to everyone, so I am thankful for the day. I can choose not to fear every fearful, dark thing that comes before it. I will not dwell on the shadows all around me, but on the light that casts them instead.
I am grateful this today. For this, I will rise up and be thankful.
— Jay Wilburn