by Angela B Chrysler
Jane Austen? Why I go so far as to say that any library is a good library that does not contain a volume by Jane Austen. Even if it contains no other book.
– Mark Twain
If you love Jane Austen, you may be offended by what I have to say. I have always related so well to Mark Twain on many levels. But none other than our hatred for Austen.
The year was 1997. I cracked open my first, only, and last Jane Austen: Pride and Prejudice. I read 60 pages of high society dribble that went on about matching the prettiest girl with the wealthiest eligible bachelor. (I wanted to vomit just writing that sentence). When Mr. Bennet groaned about his wife, Mrs. Bennet, dribbling on with her gossip, I burst into laughter. At once I loved Mr. Bennet who was as nauseated with high society politics as I.
I put the book down for that day… and haven’t picked it up since. I try. No really I do. “I’m reading it,” I said. “I just… I got to get back into it.”
Six months later, I was comparing books with my sister.
“Yeah, I’m reading Pride and Prejudice,” she said. “Only… I couldn’t make it past page 60.”
I fell over with laughter and explained my issues with the story and dry Austen writing of the 18th century.
Not only did we both try giving it a read, we both burned out at the exact same spot.
“I’ll make a bet with you,” I said. “Whoever finishes the book first gets treated to lunch by the looser.”
“You’re on,” my sister said.
That bet was made eleven years ago. That bet motivated us both to read only one more page.
It is with great happiness, that I now provide my review on Pride + Prejudice + Zombies. This is a movie Mark Twain would be thrilled to see.
I always conduct three reviews. The “Tell me nothing” spoiler free review. The “I don’t mind spoilers” review, and the “Tell me everything!” movie review.
“Tell me nothing!”
It. Was Epic! At any moment I was expecting Daryl Dixon and Rick Grimes to barrel through there. If you are a zombie loving nerd armed to the hilt… you’ve probably already seen this movie. If you are a zombie loving junkie who day dreams about having an apocalypse plan, go see this movie! If you have ever looked forward to an episode of The Walking Dead, go see this film! You are in for a strong story line, some epic graphics, beautiful scenery, and twists that just… It’s epic!
It is most definitely Pride and Prejudice. Only… they livened it up with zombies so you actually want to stay awake for the story! This is a love story made for men! So epic!
5 out of 5 hands down! There is an “after credits scene.” It’s shown only a minute or two into the credits. You won’t have to sit all the way to the end of the credits to see it.
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“I don’t mind spoilers”
Good, cuz I’ve got lots!! I’ve decided that anything is better with the added preposition “With Zombies!”
I’m going to get personal with this one. I loathe chick flicks. The closest thing I own to a chick flick is The Princess Bride, which every man I have spoken to insists is not a chic flick. Here is my unique problem. My preferred form of entertainment does not exist. Pirates of the Caribbean movie three came pretty close. What I want in a story is sweeping war where the women are intelligent, practical, and are more interested in survival. These are women who have sorted out their priorities, marriage and fashion are at the bottom of the list.
But I also wanting a sweeping romance. Just not pages upon pages of romantic dribble. Mr. Darcy was, bar none, the most sensually romantic man I have ever laid eyes on in theater (on and off the screen). He said only ever what was needed when it was needed and never a word more. Far more effort was placed on war, battle, and the need to survive. The plot was most definitely the focus of this film. But all through the movie, you wonder: “Will Darcy and Elizabeth meet up?”
Darcy was a man who could care less about high society politics. That alone won my vote. He did what he did because it was right. He did what he had to do because he was a man looking out for the woman he loved. He did what he did… because he could fight zombies and damn it! if I could, I would too!
Elizabeth rose up to meet him.
“I will never trade in my swords for a wedding ring.” Stop! Now THAT is my idea of a female lead!
“For the right kind of man you will.”
“The right kind of man won’t ask me.” And THAT is how its done! We saw a glimpse of this kind of lead in The Mask of Zorro portrayed by Catherine Zeta Jones. But her will was crushed by high society. We wouldn’t see a female role revisited like that again until Lord of the Rings: Two Towers when Eowyn rides into battles alongside Merry. Eowyn paved the way for the warrior maiden and made way for Elizabeth Bennet.
I was horrifically amused that, no matter how much zombie slaying took place, the ladies never got a drop on their pristine white gloves. Although this humored me, I was fully looking forward to a bit of gore.
This film truly felt like they knitted Pride and Prejudice with The Walking Dead and they did it seamlessly. Stunning job! As a woman who appreciates the proper balance of a sword and the artisan craft that goes into a filigree hilt, the movie sated my passion for testosterone like what I get with The Expendables or Full Metal Jacket, while also giving a perfect balance of love and romance kept in check by the occasional splattering of zombie brains. This is one love story men will want to see with their girlfriends… if they can handle it.
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“What I hated. What I loved.”
Really I just want to share my favorite parts with you.
I LOVE the fight scene between Darcy and Elizabeth when he proposes and they kick each other’s asses. I had severe issues with Matt Smith’s character. But this is only because I have a friend who looks, sounds, acts, walks, talks just… JUST… I MEAN JUST… like Matt Smith. So the whole movie, I just saw my friend going through the motions. It… was hilarious!
Adored the battle field at the end when Elizabeth meets up with Darcy at the unmarked zombie grave and they take turns stabbing the buried corpses. So epic! The plethora of comments made about “how attractive” one girl was from the next was overly amusing… and horrifying. I loathed Mrs. Bennet whose character was unchanged from the book. And I adored the circles where the woman all sat polishing swords, sharpening blades, and cleaning firearms instead of needlework, music, and painting. That was a delightful punch at high society.
These gritty scenes made the handful of romantic scenes so enjoyable. There was never any time to get nauseous with the love banter. This is my kind of romance. Gritty, dark, practical, and rough.
What did I hate? I hated the ending. The double wedding made me want to puke. I was content with the movie ending at the final proposal between Darcy and Elizabeth and wish it hadn’t gone on from there.
Did you stay for the added scene?
I did. It was epic. And awesome. But seeing Mr. Wickham riding in, leading the zombie hoard was beyond credible. If Mr. Whickham hadn’t been leading the hoard it would have been a perfect ending to wrap up the grimy girly parts.
She makes me detest all her people, without reserve. Is that her intention? It is not believable. Then is it her purpose to make the reader detest her people up to the middle of the book and like them in the rest of the chapters? That could be. That would be high art. It would be worth while, too. Some day I will examine the other end of her books and see.
– “Jane Austen,” published in 2009 in Who Is Mark Twain?
In conclusion, I feel Mark Twain somewhere got his hands on the script and rewrote it. Now this… This is a Jane Austen novel I can finish.
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